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1楼大中小发表于 2010-5-5 15:04 显示全部帖子

文章写得很不错，就是在文章中部这一段的文字有点费解：
她不时发出呻吟声，没听到呻吟的声音，我就越发起劲，努力的迎合着她的动作，....
应该是多了个没字
听到呻吟的声音，才越发起劲
应该是这样的，才合文理

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ln2009 金币 +5 回复认真，鼓励！ 2010-5-5 16:51

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